Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
