Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
