Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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