birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
