i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
They took my balls.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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