he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
