she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
