Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
