bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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