I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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