There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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