I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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