Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
