I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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