Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
