people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
