WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
When are your genitals available?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
