you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
