i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
How does it feel to date your dad?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
