I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
