and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
