i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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