yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
