Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
