i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
