He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
