Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just high enough for therapy.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
