the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
