i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
