Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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