i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
