11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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