hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize