You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize