"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
