Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
