just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
