i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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