Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
