covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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