hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
