I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
