I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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