We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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