I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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