I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
