call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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