I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
