i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
