Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
