I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
