Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
