So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I can't turn off my feet"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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