i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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