Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
