No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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