I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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