I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
