oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
