no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
