After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I need to wash the frat house off of me
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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