Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
