I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
