get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
