the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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