Jerry, you need to find god
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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