I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize