so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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