There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
