So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize