He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
