Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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