its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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