Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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