my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
