chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
how do flat chested girls get laid?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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