so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
